Will you blow on my dice?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
