Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You made out with two different species that night
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
