what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
