I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
