I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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