What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
