I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
