I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
