I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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