apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
