Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
