Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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