Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
did i just pee glitter
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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