3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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