ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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