glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
