he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
