quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
