How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
cat food counts as protein by the way
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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