we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
