i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
