I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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