Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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