??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
