not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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