i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
