sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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