i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
