Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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