I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
