i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
