I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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