i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
