This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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