I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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