lets start a swedish sibling band together
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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