we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
