Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
