Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
