Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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