he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
