giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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