So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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