wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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