in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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