I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I see more hoeing in ur future
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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