This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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