If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
