Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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