you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
