Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
